There
is a dilemma that all parents face when raising their children. Desiring to
keep them as innocent as possible for as long as possible is what lurks behind
this conundrum. And the decision made in each family is the right decision—even
when the decisions differ from family to family and even from child to child.
The
issue at hand?
Do
we as parents talk about “bad things” in a way that allows us to introduce the
“good things?” And if we do, how “bad” can “bad” be without being too “bad?” And,
of course, every parent’s definition of “bad” is different.
How
do we equip our children to live in the world—and be salt and light—without
robbing them of their innocence?
Is
this even possible? More importantly: Is it necessary?
Can
you talk to your young daughter about chastity without telling her—in honest
language—what she will encounter in the world of boys?
Can
you speak to your young son about temptation and hormones—in a realistic
way—without introducing characteristics that girls exhibit at some point in
their development?
So
what is a parent to do?
We
may want to put our head in the sand—or choose to believe that the best form of
protection of innocence is denial. Yet that just isn’t the case. Maybe we feel
ill-equipped ourselves to speak on subjects such as chastity but the answer
isn’t to ignore the topic and hope it will go away—or to hide our children in
hopes that this will keep them from confronting such things.
What
we need to do is find great resources. The hallmark of a great resource
(typically a book) is that it provides a third-party place where we can meet
our kids. We ought to read it and they ought to read it. We can read it
together, over time. Or separately and “compare notes.”
Our
kids need to see it (the book in this example) as honest and forthright. It
doesn’t make them roll their eyes because it is unrealistic or ignores the
truth of what they are experiencing—or will be experiencing. In the meantime,
it upholds our morals and values. We don’t have to compromise but can approach
our expectations in light of what our kids are experiencing.
A
great resource may introduce something we previously thought of as “bad” but in
light of seeing how it allows us to honestly talk to our kids about the “good,”
we see the value. It is never so bad that it does damage; rather it is an
honest roadmap for our kids to use in their own journey towards adulthood. In
All Things Girl: Truth for Teens, for instance, we emphasize that dating is
with an intention towards marriage while also frankly—yet
appropriately—discussing traits of boys. In a story-like setting we introduce The
Octopus, The Cheater and The Narcissist while exploring The Nice Guy, The
Hard-worker and The Brainiac.
Great
resources create a groundswell of opportunity for discussions with our
children. They give food for thought and nourishment for the soul. Great
resources can’t be underestimated. They are a critical roadmap—something that
will guide our kids to become all that God intended them to be and will support
us, as parents, to help them along the way.
(illustratoin: ID 41185650 Chayunt Varapok Dreamstime.com)
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