Should Parents Introduce "Bad" to Talk About "Good?"

There is a dilemma that all parents face when raising their children. Desiring to keep them as innocent as possible for as long as possible is what lurks behind this conundrum. And the decision made in each family is the right decision—even when the decisions differ from family to family and even from child to child.

The issue at hand?

Do we as parents talk about “bad things” in a way that allows us to introduce the “good things?” And if we do, how “bad” can “bad” be without being too “bad?” And, of course, every parent’s definition of “bad” is different.

How do we equip our children to live in the world—and be salt and light—without robbing them of their innocence?

Is this even possible? More importantly: Is it necessary?

Can you talk to your young daughter about chastity without telling her—in honest language—what she will encounter in the world of boys?

Can you speak to your young son about temptation and hormones—in a realistic way—without introducing characteristics that girls exhibit at some point in their development?

So what is a parent to do?

We may want to put our head in the sand—or choose to believe that the best form of protection of innocence is denial. Yet that just isn’t the case. Maybe we feel ill-equipped ourselves to speak on subjects such as chastity but the answer isn’t to ignore the topic and hope it will go away—or to hide our children in hopes that this will keep them from confronting such things.

What we need to do is find great resources. The hallmark of a great resource (typically a book) is that it provides a third-party place where we can meet our kids. We ought to read it and they ought to read it. We can read it together, over time. Or separately and “compare notes.”

Our kids need to see it (the book in this example) as honest and forthright. It doesn’t make them roll their eyes because it is unrealistic or ignores the truth of what they are experiencing—or will be experiencing. In the meantime, it upholds our morals and values. We don’t have to compromise but can approach our expectations in light of what our kids are experiencing.

A great resource may introduce something we previously thought of as “bad” but in light of seeing how it allows us to honestly talk to our kids about the “good,” we see the value. It is never so bad that it does damage; rather it is an honest roadmap for our kids to use in their own journey towards adulthood. In All Things Girl: Truth for Teens, for instance, we emphasize that dating is with an intention towards marriage while also frankly—yet appropriately—discussing traits of boys. In a story-like setting we introduce The Octopus, The Cheater and The Narcissist while exploring The Nice Guy, The Hard-worker and The Brainiac.

Great resources create a groundswell of opportunity for discussions with our children. They give food for thought and nourishment for the soul. Great resources can’t be underestimated. They are a critical roadmap—something that will guide our kids to become all that God intended them to be and will support us, as parents, to help them along the way.

(illustratoin: ID 41185650  Chayunt Varapok  Dreamstime.com)

Jewish Roots of the Ten Marian Virtues

Many of the traditions practiced within the Catholic faith—from the priesthood to the burning of incense—can be found by tracing their roots back to the Jewish faith.

Marian virtues are also deeply rooted in the lives of the women of the Old Testament.

Just as God planted the seeds of preparation for Christ, so, too, did he plant the seeds for the preparation of Mary. 

In the Old Testament we witness the commitment and deep faith of women who pre-figure Mary in profound ways. Women whose lives also provide role models for the way we are all called to live as Catholics.

Read more here

Signs from God

True story.

Hand to God.

An acquaintance was having neighbor trouble. As often happens, things escalated rather quickly. What had begun as an issue where two sides were taking tough stands and no one was willing to budge swiftly careened into a legal battle.

The acquaintance—a woman of great faith who diligently tried to live out her life as a disciple of Christ—was deeply troubled by the chain of events which left her with an impending court date.

In the meantime, her young grandchild was in a school play and the play was scheduled for a date very close to the court date. The play was about different virtues or characteristics that are good to practice and to have: things like perseverance and kindness. The grandchild’s role in the play was to carry a placard for one of these virtues—marching around the stage with others holding similar placards with letters boldly proclaiming this characteristic or that trait.

With the play and court date fast approaching, all the grandmother really had on her mind was the court date and the events leading up to its sad reality. She wrestled with it to such a degree that her mind could absorb nothing else. Mostly she kept asking the Lord for a “sign.” Should she forgive her neighbor or should she carry through with the legal battle? Please Lord, she would beg night and day, give me a sign.

The night of her grandchild’s play arrived. As the acquaintance sat in the audience, enjoying the play was the furthest thing from her mind. She didn’t even notice her grandchild on the stage with the other kids as her mind swirled around beseeching God for a sign.

The play ended and grandmother and grandchild made their way through the parking lot to grandma’s car. The grandchild carried the placard at her side and chatted away with grandma hearing nary a word. Court date was just a couple of days away and the grandmother was still waiting for a sign from God.

As each got into the front seat of the car, the grandchild put the placard on the dashboard with the letters facing up. Grandma started the car and looking out the front window saw the reflection of the word on the placard. Sadly, in her state of mind, she hadn’t noticed it all night. Now seeing it for the first time, she seemed unable to move. The grandmother could barely believe her eyes.

There it was, the placard with which her grandchild had been strutting around the stage all evening; the placard that grandma had been too preoccupied to notice.

On the “sign” that the grandchild had placed on the front dashboard, decorated and glittering for all the audience to see—but mostly for grandma to see—was one single word: Forgiveness.

Cheryl Dickow

www.BezalelBooks.com

photo courtesy Matthew Andrews | Dreamstime