Should Parents Introduce "Bad" to Talk About "Good?"

There is a dilemma that all parents face when raising their children. Desiring to keep them as innocent as possible for as long as possible is what lurks behind this conundrum. And the decision made in each family is the right decision—even when the decisions differ from family to family and even from child to child.

The issue at hand?

Do we as parents talk about “bad things” in a way that allows us to introduce the “good things?” And if we do, how “bad” can “bad” be without being too “bad?” And, of course, every parent’s definition of “bad” is different.

How do we equip our children to live in the world—and be salt and light—without robbing them of their innocence?

Is this even possible? More importantly: Is it necessary?

Can you talk to your young daughter about chastity without telling her—in honest language—what she will encounter in the world of boys?

Can you speak to your young son about temptation and hormones—in a realistic way—without introducing characteristics that girls exhibit at some point in their development?

So what is a parent to do?

We may want to put our head in the sand—or choose to believe that the best form of protection of innocence is denial. Yet that just isn’t the case. Maybe we feel ill-equipped ourselves to speak on subjects such as chastity but the answer isn’t to ignore the topic and hope it will go away—or to hide our children in hopes that this will keep them from confronting such things.

What we need to do is find great resources. The hallmark of a great resource (typically a book) is that it provides a third-party place where we can meet our kids. We ought to read it and they ought to read it. We can read it together, over time. Or separately and “compare notes.”

Our kids need to see it (the book in this example) as honest and forthright. It doesn’t make them roll their eyes because it is unrealistic or ignores the truth of what they are experiencing—or will be experiencing. In the meantime, it upholds our morals and values. We don’t have to compromise but can approach our expectations in light of what our kids are experiencing.

A great resource may introduce something we previously thought of as “bad” but in light of seeing how it allows us to honestly talk to our kids about the “good,” we see the value. It is never so bad that it does damage; rather it is an honest roadmap for our kids to use in their own journey towards adulthood. In All Things Girl: Truth for Teens, for instance, we emphasize that dating is with an intention towards marriage while also frankly—yet appropriately—discussing traits of boys. In a story-like setting we introduce The Octopus, The Cheater and The Narcissist while exploring The Nice Guy, The Hard-worker and The Brainiac.

Great resources create a groundswell of opportunity for discussions with our children. They give food for thought and nourishment for the soul. Great resources can’t be underestimated. They are a critical roadmap—something that will guide our kids to become all that God intended them to be and will support us, as parents, to help them along the way.

(illustratoin: ID 41185650  Chayunt Varapok  Dreamstime.com)

It's All About the Bones

A number of years ago I read von Hildebrand’s Privilege of Being a Woman. To say it was life-changing would be an understatement. Of course, there is a saying that “when the student is ready the teacher will appear” and that may have well been the case with Alice’s book. As a grown woman I can safely say that I was ready for the truth that was found in her words—hence “life-changing.”

The problem with life-changing experiences, per se, is that they sort of leave you wondering “Now what? Where do I go from here?”

In the years since reading Privilege of Being a Woman I have read countless other non-fiction books that have been touted as “must reads” and yet without exception each has left me feeling a bit empty. Not quite doing it for me. They are okay, don’t get me wrong; but of the caliber of the von Hildebrand book? Nope. And I know they serve a purpose—but I have yearned for something more than a book that seems to be a mere collection of blog articles (as a dear friend has said about all the recent books hitting the market).

Maybe my quickly advancing age has something to do with it—but then again, I don’t feel I have to make excuses for wanting more epiphanies, more substance.

I was again a willing student searching for a teacher and waiting patiently (okay, maybe not always so patiently).

Enter Emily Stimpson.

These Beautiful Bones is an incredible book that truly has it all. Emily Stimpson is intelligent, funny, clever, and very, very likeable.

So it is no surprise that she tackles the topic of theology of the body the same way: with astuteness, humor, wit, and a countenance that sort of gently oozes from the pages. She doesn’t get mired in stories about herself but gives us just enough to endear us to her (when she gives a little nod to great-grandma Rose, you will actually smile if not laugh out loud). This book isn’t about Emily Stimpson, it is about God and you and your dignity as found in all facets of your life under the blanket of theology of the body.

Having said that, it is my experience that the TOB topic either sends people running for cover or has them shrugging their shoulders in a “who cares?” sort of way.

Stimpson’s handling of this topic is so new, so refreshing, so insightful that if you are one of those who would rather run for cover than hear more about sex and the theology of the body, she will stop you in your tracks.

On the other hand, if you aren’t really sure what this whole thing is all about: you will be blessed that this is the first book you read on the topic. In fact, it should have been the one out the gate all those many years ago; chances are we would have had a much more cohesive understanding of theology of the body and a lot less fractured feelings toward the topic.

Yes, it’s about sex but no, it’s not all about sex; it’s about bones. (I find that I don’t even want to give away the whole “bones” thing because it is a gift in and of itself and the way she winds back to the “bones” in the end actually made me cry. Just incredible.)

But back to the sex.

Even then, These Beautiful Bones is not about physical sex, it is about spousal love, dignity in the form of work, reflecting who you are by what you wear and even the way you decorate your home. Stimpson handles the topic of theology of the body as it pertains to food as adroitly as she tackles it in light of manners—yes, manners!

I simply can’t imagine who would not benefit from reading this book.

For those who are well-versed in theology of the body, I would suggest that Emily will take you into a deeper awareness of it in a way that you will live it more authentically. If you really never understood what all the hoopla was about, you will once Emily gets done with you!

These Beautiful Bones is absolutely one of the best books I’ve read in years. Make no bones about it.